An inevitable decision
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| Written by bastiaan | |
| Tuesday, 06 July 2010 | |
An inevitable decisionAll power in the universe supports a decision I make with my whole heart and mind. The way of truth is without compromise and truth does not mix nor match with illusions. As long as I am undecided the universe cannot be the dynamic force it is. It moves with my decision.The orientation phase of any undertaking feels reasonably safe. On the side line I enjoy the luxury of observation and the time to make up my mind. My self styled idea of free will remains intact as long as I keep my options open. I had attended a sufficient number of Course sessions and weekend intensives to know I possessed an undeniable urge to partake in the light of truth, a light that awakened within me each time I was around the miracle teachers and their world shattering message. Because of the contrast between this light and the darkness of my existence it was excruciating each time I had to return to my ‘life’ in the world to pick up the pieces, while once again the prospect of wholeness had been offered me. In February, a former convent was rented for a weekend intensive in Biezemortel, the Netherlands. At the end of that weekend, the Dutch group, interested yet uncommitted, was confronted with the question: “What do you really want, and how do you want to go on from here”? The teachers, who themselves had been living out of suitcases for months now, were fed up with the low level of commitment the Dutch group had shown. Thus far they had failed in creating a core group of dedicated Course in Miracles students in the Netherlands. Ingrained in my consciousness at that moment was the recognition that to pursue this course and to reap its benefits, I needed to step off the sideline and into the center. The following May, a huge event was organized in Soeria. Soeria is a large estate that had been dedicated to healing for a whole century and is located in the Veluwe one of the largest reservations of natural beauty in the Netherlands. The event was to be a weekend with the Master Teacher by intimate association referred to as ‘Dear One’. Spending three days in his profound presence, I lost all my defenses, judgments, and my cynical reservations. My single eye opened up along with the top of my head. My body was full of light. At the end of that weekend again I was standing in that unbearable place of indecisiveness cornered by the question ‘where in hell or heaven do I go from here’? I definitely didn’t want to go back to my world and to what I felt no longer was my home. I was terrified to abandon everything and step towards the truth entirely. If I was to make the step, how would I make it, where would I start? One other guy who had attended the weekend must have seen me standing there in the tea room without movement somewhere between 5 minutes and three hours. He invited me to sit down with him and a group of others. He gave me a lesson to read. I read lesson 155 ‘I will step back and let Him lead the way’ out loud which was the perfect answer to my dilemma. I needed clarity and this lesson rang clear as a bell. It told me to step back from illusions and to allow truth to step forward and to follow it. I had reached the turning point. I didn’t want to go back because I didn’t have anything to go back to. My world and all I was invested in had become a bunch of pierced balloons not worth patching. Sitting down on the couch with them is how I made the inevitable decision to pursue the goal of truth. I was off the side line and had entered in. The following month was a wrap up. In no time and with no effort I sorted out my worldly affairs. I geared towards entrance into the discipline of my awakening. I kept my mind ready and stayed clear of temptations that would lure me back into my old existence. The next month we, three companions and me, took a road trip and drove all the way from the Netherlands to Switzerland by car. It was an adventure of freedom without compare because the world no longer weighed me down. In Switzerland I was initiated through a genuine dark night of the soul. My shallow roots were cut off, and I grew new roots sourced directly in the Mind of God. I had made a decision. No ambivalence remained. My bridges were burnt and I was taken out of the world as I knew it. Returning to the Netherlands was the start of a new life. What was given me when I returned, even though beyond belief, was both logical and natural. My decision to live in accordance to the truth was an act of faith. Not only had I been afraid to make it, I had no knowledge of what the outcome would be. Coupled with the death of my former self, the means to pursue my transformation were provided. A villa was rented in the backyard of Soeria. In the weeks and months that followed about twelve others moved into it with me. Now we could hold afternoon classes and evening prayer and meditation meetings. I was grateful for this energetic, quiet and wholesome environment. I could retreat from the world and all its entanglements. Here I suddenly found myself; at peace, in a true dedication to a transformational process that had started in me. I reaped the benefits of my decision. I was free of my former dilemma of lingering between two worlds. I was ready to face the challenges of my conversion. |
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| Last Updated ( Tuesday, 06 July 2010 ) |
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