Mind over Matrix

A parallel to my personal awakening.

The Matrix movies offer me, in a very allegorical and virtual visual way, a vision of my own awakening. In my increasing dedication to teach A Course in Miracles I am very thrilled about the closing episode of the Matrix trilogy, called the Matrix Revolutions. I thought the first Matrix was great and that there would be no possibility that any sequel would add anything essential to the first one. I still think the first episode is whole in itself, but in this capacity lends itself to be developed in three parts. Within the first episode, as well as within the entire sequence of the three episodes, I started to recognize a very strong parallel to the stages in my personal awakening.

In the first part in my own awakening process were moments, visions, and communications that I received all through my early life here on Earth.  I had glimpses of reality that showed me the dreamlike nature of this world. Sometimes not more than a feeling, now and then I could clearly envision it, and at other times it became totally reasonable to me that I wasn’t from here. The real reason for my being here couldn’t be dictated to me by this world.

Morpheus in their first conversation says to Neo:

"I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees, because he is expecting to wake up." (Matrix 1)

The Course tells me:

"You are like one still hallucinating but lacking the belief in what you see."

“... an entirely different mainframe” 

I became increasingly aware that I found myself in A Dream of Separation.  Everything in my world was inherently conflictual, dualistic, distant and divided. Nowhere within this conflicted framework was I able to find a resolution. I was a slave to the institutions at work in the world, its laws and principles, its rules and behavioral codes. My relationships were a constant source of chaos and a consistent provision of guilt and self-pity, anger and frustration. The fundamental emptiness in my life brought me time and time again to the realization that there had to be a fullness of life accessible to me in some way. 

This Alternative had to be constructed on an entirely different main frame. Since I had already come to recognize that my world was fear based, another world would have to be one that was sustained and entirely governed by love. I was through with this one. I did see it all, remembered the result of all my previous attempts at wholeness within this place of the denial of God. The old world verified nothing other than a lack of faith in me as a whole identity.

My entire world, and that included me, was preprogrammed with impulses and mechanisms developed to ensure its own continuance in the loop of its own limited inescapable non-being.  In other words, everything was pretty much dead, had no real purpose and was trapped in its fixed position in time and space. The experience of myself was one of being totally dependent on an outside world  to give me everything I needed. I was in total demand and was selfishly projecting all my misgivings on others. Nothing in my world was able to meet my demands or lead me to the experience that I was seeking.

Something else just had to be there because it was simply impossible for me to continue the personal crisis condition that I was in. This condition simply had to confirm itself to be unreal. My helplessness, despair, frustration, darkness and the isolation in my “life” had simply reached its limit.    

“An imprisoned will engenders a situation which, in the extreme, becomes altogether intolerable.

Tolerance for pain may be high, but it is not without limit. Eventually everyone begins to recognize, however dimly, that there must be a better way.

As this recognition becomes more firmly established, it becomes a turning-point.”

(ACIM, Ch. 2 III)

“...the active determiner of my fate” 

I asked for help and something I knew that was outside of the matrix came to my rescue. It was Jesus simply shining his light directly in my mind. He reassured me with a super gentle gesture that where I had held myself up till that moment was indeed a dream of self-limitation and that I was now able to wake from it. With a whole new sense of faith, certainty and direction I started to play and experiment with the world around me.

All my relationships were changing and all of a sudden I was attracting a lot of positive activity around me, I began to live as if it was for the very first time. I started learning the power of suggestion and the power of decision. I was becoming more honest and direct with everyone, and all of a sudden I had a lot to offer. I started to feel that everything was possible in the universe. I was no longer an object in a deterministic world of outside forces and factors, but became the active determiner of my fate.

I started walking up straight again and felt a pride and certainty like I never felt before. I was Mind connected to Spirit, which was the true reason for my freedom and strength. I started actively changing my mind about myself, everyone and everything in my world, and thus the world redeemed itself.

“So my body is healed, and now what?”

This whole turn around happened after I had started working with a hypno/ chakra therapist who right after my devastation was the only ‘human’ I took in full trust. We miraculously met one night and I knew I had to talk to her. I had the feeling that she could help me. I knew I had requested help from the universe and saw in her the answer to my prayer. After about 5 or 6 sessions with her, I felt so open and completely free that I no longer experienced any obstacles to the energy that was now very gracefully flowing through my body.

I came home completely at peace and laid down on my bed. Because I had begun to learn that I receive exactly what I ask for and I felt bold enough to experiment, I asked a daring question: So my body is healed and now what?

This question led me directly to a Universal, Quantum experience where I felt a power surge flush through my whole body and I totally lost awareness and control over it. That moment I was totally unplugged from the matrix and plugged into a Power Source far greater than the tiny battery capacity that I, in my familiarity with my body-shell, was able to hold.